Because I’m a piece of shit blogger, I’m officially a week and a half behind on updates. I apologize to those of you who actually read this, but don’t worry…after today you’ll have PRENTY to catch up on.
The weekend before last the BF and I went to New Orleans with Elle and Eddy for one last hoorah before John started class that Wednesday. Needless to say it was so much fun!! We got there at about 12:30 and checked into the hotel, which Elle found online AND had a spectacular military discount :-) As soon as we finished scarfing down lunch and $1 daiquiris we hit Bourbon St for some hand grenades and other touristy shit.
Friday night, John spent a good hour looking up places in New Orleans where we could get cheap, authentic food and let’s just say he definitely succeeded. All four of us ate for roughly $30! This is partly because everything on the menu except the shrimp fried rice was WAY too spicy for me and Elle just wasn’t quite as adventurous as our men were. They tore into the shrimp they ordered like they hadn’t eaten in days while I sat there struggling to get through the fried rice and forget about the fact that I was the only white girl in a food establishment clearly geared towards black people.
Following dinner we crashed at the hotel for an hour to prepare for a night of heavy drinking and debauchery. As we patrolled the streets for clubs, I realized that the real shows in that town aren’t inside the bars….they’re outside, staring every drunk-ass showing their tits and stumbling around. At one point we saw a fight break out between a bachelorette party and some random dude. It looked like a few of the girls had started it and everyone was yelling for a good while until a couple undercover cops came and broke it up. The kicker was when one of the girls who instigated the brawl turned to her friend and literally asked “What just happened?” To which her friend answered “Bitch, you think I know??” Wasted much?
At one point Elle and I were in a bar with some live music when the guys came in and told us they had found a much, much better club. Excited, we followed them out onto the street for a couple of blocks until we reached our destination: Lipstixxx. For those of you who were wondering, Lipstixxx is a strip club. Now, there are two kinds of strip clubs on Bourbon St: the kind that charge cover and the kind that don’t. Because we had more important things to spend our money on (like frozen peach bellinis, heyyyyy) we partook in that latter type of strip club. Let’s just say, you probably get what you pay for at the other places. I get that these girls are shaking their asses for dollar dollar bills, y’all, but I haven’t seen someone that unenthusiastic about something since the last time I had to do a science fair project in middle school. One girl literally got on stage and the entire floor cleared out! Maybe, MAYBE 2 guys in the back stayed and it was probably because some other girl’s boobies were in their faces. If I’m going to sort of pay money to see naked women, I kind of expect them to be entertaining. Again, I was disappointed with the level of pole-work and I think I tipped one girl. Oh well, at least I could be there for the BF’s first strip club experience.
Saturday morning we woke up craving a hearty breakfast. After a few minutes of internet research I found this place called Stanley and it had AMAZING reviews, so we set out on our journey. We were greeted with a 45 minute wait time, but decided to wait it out. Roughly 20 minutes into our wait, a loud man burst through the doorway right next to where we were standing on the street. ”This place is fucking worth it! I’m from New York, and I don’t lie!”, he proclaimed to no one in particular. We were starving, but after the New Yorker’s proclamation we knew we had to stick it out. He was right! Not 5 minutes into the meal we were already planning our return trip to N’awlins just so we could have their breakfast again. It was, as the Kardashians say, to die.
From there we took the (fucking hot as hell, unairconditioned, crowded) cable car to the zoo. Thank Jesus I could look out the window at all the amazing houses on the ride there to keep my mind off of how uncomfortable the seats were. We got dropped off a mile from the entrance and walked through a beautiful park to get there. Sweating by the time we got there, we immediately vowed to take the zoo shuttle back to the cable car stop. Inside it was a typical day at the zoo: we walked around and looked at animals. Some were asleep and boring, others were actually moving around.
Saturday night, our second lieutenant guys decided that they wanted to go out to a fancy oyster house dinner at Drago’s. It was an hour wait, so we hurried to the bar and promptly dropped $20 per couple before we even sat down. Two drinks and a bread basket later, the men were getting high on the thought of spending a hundred bucks per couple on dinner. We were getting oyster plates, lobster dinners, glasses of wine and everything in between. I wish I could tell you how much they both wound up spending, but I think I forced myself to forget the number on the check. During dinner we all had high hopes for going out afterwards, but once the food comas set in, going out just wasn’t an option.
Sunday afternoon on our way out of town we drove through the ninth ward, the area affected by Katrina the hardest. Even though it has been almost 6 years, it’s still amazing to see lots with just the foundation of what once was a home. Most of the main thoroughfare has been rebuilt, but there are definitely remaining signs of the disaster.