SO many cool things could have come out of this plot! Unfortunately, none of them happened. I’m now officially against seeing movies with star studded casts (except Ocean’s 11) for the rest of my life. If you still want to see it, at least save yourself about $10 and go to the redbox
Saturday night I saw “Don’t be Afraid of the Dark”— the new horror flick with Katie Holmes. I will say that I’m generally not a fan of scary movies, but this one was pretty good overall. I can deal with villains that aren’t human, like sharks or creatures of the netherworlds because all I have to do is think that there’s no way what happens in the movie could happen in real life. IMDB gave this film a 6/10 and I’d say that’s pretty accurate. Good plot twists and creative near-death scenes definitely made for an entertaining few hours. And I only covered my ears and shut my eyes about 3 times, which may actually be a new record for me in a scary movie!
The book I recently finished is “The Help”. Yes, the book that the new movie is based on. READ. IT. On the cover someone is quoted as saying that it is the most important work of fiction since To Kill A Mockingbird and I could NOT agree more! It’s suspenseful in a lot of ways and paints an amazing picture of life in Jackson, MS in the 1960s. On the I-couldn’t-put-it-down scale of 1-10, I give it an 11!
The past two days of my life have pretty much been AMAZING! One of the BF’s friends from home decided to come visit for Labor Day, I made $70 on a freaking Tuesday night (like a boss), when I was talking to my mom today she confirmed that she will be coming with her boyfriend and my sister for Thanksgiving this year AND I found my dress for the Air Force formal next month. It’s silvery and fabulous and marked down to $58 from $170, which made it purrrfect. Pics of that to come in the next couple of weeks because I want to be all done up before I upload. I know you’ll all be waiting anxiously for that day to come.
Today for the first time, I tried hot yoga. Let me just say that if you like being in a room that’s at least 90 degrees while balancing on one leg and feeling sweat drip off the end of your nose, then this is the class for you. Yes, there were times I wanted to curl up into child’s pose and die, but I forged on and finished every…situation I found myself in. The best part is that I can do it for $5 for a 75 minute session because my IU student ID doesn’t expire until 2013. HOLLA!
Greetings! Sorry to everyone who reads this about my sparse postings. I really have been busy, I swear. (Against my will) I was hired at a local restaurant last week similar to the sports bar I used to work at back home in terms of clientele and whatnot. Here are some short stories about what I have been through in the past week.
Day 1: Training
I get put with a girl who’s worked there for like 4 years and acts like she’s God’s gift to the place. We basically get our asses handed to us by 3 parties that keep multiplying in number every time we go back to check on them. I seriously don’t know how this chick could have handled what we went through by herself, but she said that it was definitely not a normal night. PHEW! Her sales were over a grand by the end of the night, so I was hopeful for my future shifts.
Day 3: Food running
I’m sentenced to a shift of food running in order to complete my training, even though I’ve already basically been out on the server floor for 2 days already, they feel it’s important that I know how to put lemons with orders of calamari and learn table numbers. This day is kind of a joke, because for FOUR YEARS this was my job back home and the servers get their own sauces for everything here.
Day 4: A brief synopsis of my first solo shift
Everything going great! Nice customers, big, easy going party. Woo hoo!
1 man shows up and says another person will be joining him. 20 minutes later 3 more people show up. They all proceed to order their food at different times, but I have to put all of it in at one time, so it’s kind of a lot to keep track of. Here’s where things go wrong. Their food went in RIGHT after two parties of at least eight people, which means their wait time has just increased exponentially. Everything finally comes out and I realized that two of the new people didn’t want pickles on their sandwiches..I rang up no onions ((like a fucktard)) AND didn’t even put in the first guy’s order and he has to wait another 15 minutes for a crab cake and rice that “isn’t cooked enough”. He gets his meal fo free. I made more money off of the guy whose food I forgot to ring in’s beer than I did on the other 3’s $40 tab. F.M.L.
The silver lining to all of this is that at another table, a father of a teenage girl informed me that going to his daughter’s cheerleading practice is nothing but “tits and camel toes as far as the eye can see.” Uhm, cool?
Overall, I really like working at this place. It’s just that the entire establishment is about as organized as a crack whore’s…something that I can’t think of right now. First of all, there are 2 shifts: one starts at 10am and the other at 4pm. Everyone is scheduled to show up at one of those two times and they never send servers home based on how full their section is. Therefore, instead of having two servers staying until close (like every other normal restaurant on the fact of the fucking earth) All 10 servers stay until close, each one of us bitching the entire time about the fact that they don’t send people home in stages. Another thing is that there’s no set time for when the kitchen closes. It’s just whenever they feel like it. A-fucking-noying. I’ve got half a mind to just write an anonymous letter to the server manager telling him, in detail, everything that he does wrong on a daily basis. Maybe then something would actually change.
Oh well, it’s putting money in my pocket so I can’t complain too much.
Last Monday, the BF came back from muster and we ventured East for 2 reasons: getting his mess dress at Hurburt Field and finding me a formal gown in Destin for the Air Force formal in September.
Hurlburt Field is roughly an hour from our house so you could imagine my surprise when I realized neither John or I had my driver’s license and I needed it to get on base. At the gate security office, we learned that I couldn’t get on base with my student ID and getting his mess dress would have taken at least 2 hours so we decided to move on to shopping in Destin after stopping for lunch at the very same McGuire’s that the crazy girl had dragged me to back in June. Flashbacks aside, it was a great lunch of Shepard’s pie and bread pudding.
Supposedly, Destin has some of the best shopping around so I figured I wouldn’t have any problems finding a dress there. Boy, was I wrong! The closest I came to a decent selection was at Cache, where I had 5 dresses to choose from and sales women in every store told me I needed to go to the Dillard’s in Pensacola. Greeeeeaaat…so I drove an hour to find out that I should have just stayed in my own goddamn town? Awesome. The one ray of hope came from a woman in Cache who directed us to a store that she’d heard had a great selection AND it was on our way home. The only thing was that she wasn’t sure of the hours, so she suggested we look it up to make sure, which I thought the BF did while I was in Forever 21 contemplating buying a sequined blazer. Apparently he didn’t because when we got to the place, the parking lot was COMPLETELY EMPTY.
Not going down without a fight, I was determined to find a dress that day and drove nonstop for yet another hour to Dillard’s. 10 dresses later I found one that I liked, but the 8 was too big and the 6 gave me back cleavage so I was forced to return home empty handed.
My dress search and the BF’s mess dress search will continue on…I hope…
Because I’m a piece of shit blogger, I’m officially a week and a half behind on updates. I apologize to those of you who actually read this, but don’t worry…after today you’ll have PRENTY to catch up on.
The weekend before last the BF and I went to New Orleans with Elle and Eddy for one last hoorah before John started class that Wednesday. Needless to say it was so much fun!! We got there at about 12:30 and checked into the hotel, which Elle found online AND had a spectacular military discount :-) As soon as we finished scarfing down lunch and $1 daiquiris we hit Bourbon St for some hand grenades and other touristy shit.
Friday night, John spent a good hour looking up places in New Orleans where we could get cheap, authentic food and let’s just say he definitely succeeded. All four of us ate for roughly $30! This is partly because everything on the menu except the shrimp fried rice was WAY too spicy for me and Elle just wasn’t quite as adventurous as our men were. They tore into the shrimp they ordered like they hadn’t eaten in days while I sat there struggling to get through the fried rice and forget about the fact that I was the only white girl in a food establishment clearly geared towards black people.
Following dinner we crashed at the hotel for an hour to prepare for a night of heavy drinking and debauchery. As we patrolled the streets for clubs, I realized that the real shows in that town aren’t inside the bars….they’re outside, staring every drunk-ass showing their tits and stumbling around. At one point we saw a fight break out between a bachelorette party and some random dude. It looked like a few of the girls had started it and everyone was yelling for a good while until a couple undercover cops came and broke it up. The kicker was when one of the girls who instigated the brawl turned to her friend and literally asked “What just happened?” To which her friend answered “Bitch, you think I know??” Wasted much?
At one point Elle and I were in a bar with some live music when the guys came in and told us they had found a much, much better club. Excited, we followed them out onto the street for a couple of blocks until we reached our destination: Lipstixxx. For those of you who were wondering, Lipstixxx is a strip club. Now, there are two kinds of strip clubs on Bourbon St: the kind that charge cover and the kind that don’t. Because we had more important things to spend our money on (like frozen peach bellinis, heyyyyy) we partook in that latter type of strip club. Let’s just say, you probably get what you pay for at the other places. I get that these girls are shaking their asses for dollar dollar bills, y’all, but I haven’t seen someone that unenthusiastic about something since the last time I had to do a science fair project in middle school. One girl literally got on stage and the entire floor cleared out! Maybe, MAYBE 2 guys in the back stayed and it was probably because some other girl’s boobies were in their faces. If I’m going to sort of pay money to see naked women, I kind of expect them to be entertaining. Again, I was disappointed with the level of pole-work and I think I tipped one girl. Oh well, at least I could be there for the BF’s first strip club experience.
Saturday morning we woke up craving a hearty breakfast. After a few minutes of internet research I found this place called Stanley and it had AMAZING reviews, so we set out on our journey. We were greeted with a 45 minute wait time, but decided to wait it out. Roughly 20 minutes into our wait, a loud man burst through the doorway right next to where we were standing on the street. ”This place is fucking worth it! I’m from New York, and I don’t lie!”, he proclaimed to no one in particular. We were starving, but after the New Yorker’s proclamation we knew we had to stick it out. He was right! Not 5 minutes into the meal we were already planning our return trip to N’awlins just so we could have their breakfast again. It was, as the Kardashians say, to die.
From there we took the (fucking hot as hell, unairconditioned, crowded) cable car to the zoo. Thank Jesus I could look out the window at all the amazing houses on the ride there to keep my mind off of how uncomfortable the seats were. We got dropped off a mile from the entrance and walked through a beautiful park to get there. Sweating by the time we got there, we immediately vowed to take the zoo shuttle back to the cable car stop. Inside it was a typical day at the zoo: we walked around and looked at animals. Some were asleep and boring, others were actually moving around.
Saturday night, our second lieutenant guys decided that they wanted to go out to a fancy oyster house dinner at Drago’s. It was an hour wait, so we hurried to the bar and promptly dropped $20 per couple before we even sat down. Two drinks and a bread basket later, the men were getting high on the thought of spending a hundred bucks per couple on dinner. We were getting oyster plates, lobster dinners, glasses of wine and everything in between. I wish I could tell you how much they both wound up spending, but I think I forced myself to forget the number on the check. During dinner we all had high hopes for going out afterwards, but once the food comas set in, going out just wasn’t an option.
Sunday afternoon on our way out of town we drove through the ninth ward, the area affected by Katrina the hardest. Even though it has been almost 6 years, it’s still amazing to see lots with just the foundation of what once was a home. Most of the main thoroughfare has been rebuilt, but there are definitely remaining signs of the disaster.
Friday night the BF and I decided to have people over for some grilling and pregaming before going out to Seville. It was a great mix of people and I knew the night was off to a good start when Kelsey said “I’ve never seen you super drunk before. Let’s change that tonight!” and handed me the bottle of patron. The hot dog and plate of mashed potatoes I ate barely counteracted the 6 beers and only the good Lord knows how many shots of tequila I had. Before heading out for the night I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t drink at the bar. Apparently I like thinking I’m a responsible individual when I’m three sheets to the wind.
Elle drove 7 of us in her husband’s car, we paid our cover and things got real shitty real fast. Kelsey and I had a great time (I’m told) dancing like nobody was watching (even though everyone probably was, because we were clearly wasted and unrythmic). For some reason she decided to order a drink for us to share. A drink that we both needed like a hole in the head, a drink that put me past the point of no return. I was struggling to make it to the street to get into the cab, but I made it, which is all that matters, right?
In the cab home the driver let us have some of his pizza that was sitting on the dash. Looking back on it now, those 2 slices of old pizza were the only thing that kept me together that night. Without them I would have been hugging the toilet for sure.
At home, Kelsey and the guy she’s seeing crashed in our guest room. After they went to bed/bone I went out to the kitchen to get some water…naked. At that very moment they both decided that they needed some water as well. They acknowledged my nakedness but we were all unphased by it, obviously. After that point I passed out in bed and don’t remember anything until I woke up the next morning.
The Next Day…
I woke up still naked. With Kelsey, who was also naked. We both jumped when we saw each other and immediately had to figure out how we came to be in our position.
This is what we found out: Kelsey came into our bed in the neighborhood of 3am without realizing it. The BF tried to wake her and when he was unsuccessful he went into the guest room, where he saw her man spread eagle, face-up and naked on the bed. He decided it was best to go sleep on the couch and wait until morning.
Basically the BF was the only one out of the 4 of us who wasn’t seen naked by another person in our house. That night might have actually topped some of my infamous IU nights out.
@The Car Wash
Knowing full and well that I was getting shmammered Friday night, that morning I had agreed to work at the car wash on Saturday from 10-4. ”You’ll be fine” I told myself, “How bad could it be?” RULL BAD. That’s how bad.
I showed up (reeking of booze) on time, promptly cranked the AC and started reading my book in an attempt to forget about my current state of hung over. For 6 hours I drank 2 bottles of water and slowly reached a point where I was able to eat a sandwich. My junior year of college I completed two 15+ papers in the same week and that still doesn’t compare to how successful I felt after I ate that ham and american on white. I knew I was well on my way to recovered when I worked up the strength to vacuum my car out. By then it was time for me to head home, where the BF, Burt and I spent the evening eating a digionro pizza and watching Kenny vs. Spenny on Netflix.
The other day I learned that when beta fish are happy and they want to have sex they build a “bubble nest” around the fish bowl. Yep, that’s my fish’s boner you’re lookin’ at right thurr.
Today I went to the Hilton Pool in Pensacola Beach with some girls I met through the facebook page for ladies whose husbands are stationed here. It was pretty fun, but the most entertaining material came from the girl I met off of craiglist in June.
Literally, I had not seen or spoken to this bitch since she cooked me spaghetti, so when she texted me asking for a ride to the pool I knew she was just using me. I would have felt bad about not picking her up so I said yes. Then she asks if she can borrow a bathing suit from me. For about 5 minutes the BF and I brainstormed ideas of how to tell her no. Eventually we settled on me only having 1 bottom and 2 tops. She bought it and didn’t press the issue. Hallelujah.
This morning Elle was set to come over at 10:30, we’d pick up craiglist girl and be on our merry way to the beach. When Elle was running late I texted CG to let her know. This is how the convo went
me: Hey we’re running late. Text you when we’re on our way.
cg: Ok. When you get here can you check to see if the frog’s still on my door?
me: uh…can’t you check that out yourself? lol
cg: ya. I can.
You had to wait until I gave you the idea to check if there was a frog on your own door? What. The. Fuck. Can’t believe I agreed to give her a ride and she’s not even in my car yet.
We get to her apartment and she comes walking out with a towel draped over her head like she’s insane. In the car, with the towel still on, she tells us that she was scared for the frog to fall on her head. The moment in time where the frog could have potentially fallen on her head had passed immediately after she walked out her door so why she kept the towel on for her 50 foot walk to my car, the world will never know.
On the 15 minute ride to the beach we both attempted numerous times to include her in our conversations, but after four one-word answers we gave up. We met up with 5 other girls at the pool and I knew all but one of them so everyone just started talking and catching up right away. One girl had brought her year old daughter, who was really cute and didn’t cry or anything. The perfect baby, in my opinion. Meanwhile, CG wasn’t really engaging in conversation. She would be sitting with us, on her phone or staring off into space. It was too weird. The rest of the afternoon went on like that. Everyone hanging out in the pool having fun while CG was on her phone, in a chair. A few girls asked if she wanted to come into the pool but she said no to them and then acted like she was upset she was all by herself.
On the ride home, Elle awkwardly asked if everyone had fun at the pool today. I responded quite enthusiastically, only adding to the awkwardness. CG’s answer “that baby was cute.” That’s it? That’s all you have to comment on after 4 hours at a pool? Wow.
After we dropped her off, Elle tells me that CG once mentioned to her that she had hung out with girls she’d met on the website before and they didn’t like her. Jeez…wonder why?
